The other day I had a friend go to pinch my bum and they couldn't. It's that flat ladies and gentlemen that there was nothing to grab. This saddens me deeply; I am a lover of curves. When I sing "I like big butts", I mean it. When I see girls who look like real women I secretly hate them, well almost. When I hear girls complain about them, I want to ask to share the wealth (haha). On a daily basis I wish for what so many girls want to get rid of.
Anyways, I went to my trusty friend google and inquired: How to fix a flat bum. I'm not joking. Whilst browsing through some workouts this came up, and I'm so glad I found it. I found this little treasure here. This beauty flattens the tummy whilst also lifting the bottom. Too bad it's the least attractive thing a woman could put on her body. I will be honest when I say I considered buying one, and not just for a good laugh, but I decided there are better things out there to spend my money on, like a gym membership? Needless to say when I went to visit one yesterday I did a lot of squats and lunges.
My other concern is that my grammar class is seriously kicking my embarrassingly flat butt. For all of those out there who have read this thing from the beginning I'm sorry to have put you through my incomplete sentences and improper use of semicolons. It will never happen again I promise. But anyways today while I sat there, eyes glazing over and brain dying, as my prof moaned on and on about past perfect conditional verb phrases, I realized something. This is the dumbest language in the entire world. Who made up these rules? Why in heavens name can't indefinite pronouns be plural? Do I always have to say his/her instead of theirs? I hate it. Not to mention a tenth of our language is taken from other languages. We're just a bunch of mooching shmucks who can't seem to make up their mind when it comes to sentence slots and parts of speech. Can every rule just be set without an exception? And don't even get me started on trying to decipher the colloquial language we speak every day. My friend Jared is considering going to school in Mexico and I thought he was crazy... but now as I sit here, joining him sounds like a lovely idea.
Oh, and P.S. Janna isn't really dating Scott. The poor girl had to deal with a day full of phone calls and texts just because of my teasing. Sorry Jan, I love you! In other news, here's a funny picture of what's up at our house. hahaha. I love it.
The swear really puts fear into your hearts, eh?