I feel like I need to mention something that drives me up the wall...
The YOLO mentality.
Can I just express how much I hate that saying and all that it stands for? I remember being in class and a student saying, "Oh I didn't study for my exam... YOLO!" What the heck does that even mean? It's as though failing to be responsible, or doing what we have to, can be neglected because "you only live once". This confuses me because shouldn't that idea of only being able to do this once provoke the opposite? This line of thought honestly infuriates me, and mostly because until about a month ago this was exactly how I thought.
The past six months I have been a different person than I actually am. All I wanted was to leave Edmonton, school, and family behind to partake of this yolo-ism. I looked at my friends who were married or those having children and I laughed. Their lives were over. all I wanted was to be single and travel the world, ignoring any type of rational thinking, and acting purely on emotion. The problem though, is that I didn't ever "find" myself with this thinking. If anything, I became more miserable. My attitude turned entirely towards the world, and I wanted more and I needed more and my life was a constant competition. I couldn't be happy for anyone and this whole "living only once" was turning into not living at all. I remember in November thinking, "Now if I just go on a big trip in February that can carry me over until the summer... then I could take out a loan and go to Asia or something..." As I looked forward to these impractical and illusional thoughts of "happiness" I felt almost a hand slapping me across the face. Here I was in school, doing the things that I wanted, and all I could think about was what was next. My next great adventure, or the next "expression of myself". Barf.
As the month of November went on I made many friends from all religions and lifestyles. I realized something during that time: I didn't want their lives. As kind and as fun as these people were, they were so lost. They didn't know what they wanted in their lives and seemed to be biding their time until they figured it out. I realized that was not me. I wanted to grow up, I wanted to live traditionally, and I wanted the things that I know make me happy. As I sat the other night with some girlfriends and talked about the world changing, I realized there isn't time to mess around. It's times to make goals that are realistic and be productive. I feel like I'm preaching but trust me when I say I am not perfect at this. Sometimes I still have that minor panic attack that I'm not "living" enough, but then I take a step back and I look at my family members and I realize that they have it. They're happy, and they have lives much fuller than mine could have ever been alone.
So with that I plan on making this year one of growth, eternal perspectives, enduring love and relationships, and, above all, one that is centered around principles and doctrine that I know produce happiness.