11.10.2010

I'm In A Glass Case Of Emotion!

Let me just say I am not an emotional person. I don't carry a notebook and write down my feelings or sit in starbucks and speak of art and society. Instead I carry around a computer and usually when I'm having something to drink at that little coffee shop I'm leaning in front of my machine writing a detailed schedule of my day because I have a deep fear of forgetting things. I've never just put down my thoughts unless I think it's really important and usually I instantly regret my sentimental writings and have to replace it with something funny. I am not a dweller. When my day sucks I whine for approximately 5 seconds and then I pretend I'm fine. I don't show my emotions and there are very few people in this world who can say they have seen the real me with no hidden emotion. They know when I'm mad at them and they know when I feel like my life is going through a cataclysm, and they can definitely tell when I am heart broken over something. Let me just say though, these people can be counted on one hand, and I don't live near any of them. So what does this mean? I'm going crazy. So I'm just gonna lay it all out on here. These are all my current emotions:

1. I am happy because: I'm done school for the rest of the week (I only have classes tuesdays and thursdays, but those are looooong days), I discovered a game even better than angry birds (for reals!), and I received the highest of compliments from my english professor. He told me a 4 year degree just isn't enough and that if I had any brains I'd keep going with my passion, that I was an absolute pleasure to have in class, and that he tries to save my essays last to read. hahah. It was nice, ok? It boosted my self esteem.

2. I am annoyed because: I think I have narcolepsy. Every night this week I have been doing something completely normal and I just pass out in the middle of it and wake up in the morning. It's super weird. Have you tried waking up in your clothes from yesterday? Not the best feeling.

3. I am frustrated because: I like Taylor Swift. I have always hated her and every single one of her songs because she sounded so juvenile. I'm not into that stuff, but with new album I find myself crying every time I listen to it. What's even worse is I actually make an effort to listen to it. I'm also frustrated with myself because I wanted to be serious and sentimental this post and I'm not very good at that.

4. I am nostalgic because: I miss being in high school and having no responsibility,  being with my friends all the time and knowing what's happening every day of their lives, going to Henderson and eating a cheese pizza, and I miss starbucks and it's comfy chair-and-a-half love seat and guessing what everyone sitting around us is talking about.

5. I am sad because: I miss Scott and his red hair. I miss when I would whine about my hair being red and he would just give me that look and say: "have you seen my hair?" haha. I miss playing all musical instruments together (especially when we played the clarinet and violin together haha, how gross), and him being so proud of me when I learned G major on the guitar. I miss singing together and listening to him make up lyrics to hymns about my "rosey" lips. hahaha. Blasphemous? Maybe. I miss when we would just study the scriptures together and he was so insightful (have I mentioned he will be the best missionary ever?). I miss that I wasn't afraid to cry in front of him. I miss that we had a bucket list. I miss that he would plan dates every time I came home and they were sweeeeeeet. I miss when he would grab my face and kiss me in front of his mom just because he knew I would freak out at him and he thought it was funny. I miss how we knew each other's moods in about 0.6 seconds. I miss how skinny and tall and cute he is. He is just the best.



I hate myself for writing all this, but I just can't help it. But you know what? I'm gonna be fine. I've just been letting my emotions build up too much.


who knew Henderson was so beautiful? Not me!

5 comments:

  1. aww. I really enjoyed this post! I'd probably die if I got that compliment from an English professor, so congrats! I envy you a bit.
    Also, I'm pretty sure I suffer from narcolepsy as well, and I totally know what it feels like to suddenly just wake up and its the next day. =)
    Scott's going to be so great! I always thought the two of you had such an amazing friendship!
    I loovee your blog, ps. =)

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  2. hey, if you want to be emotional i may be 4 days away, but phones are faster than planes. haha.
    sincerely,
    your oh-so old, will never in a million years give advice to anyone ever again cause obvioulsy my life plans dont work out but i listen real good sister
    - megan

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  3. Kelsey: I love your blogs - you write so well..
    Congrats on the compliment from your professor..I can see why he loves your papers.
    Thanks so much for being Scott's friend. You are wonderful for supporting him on his mission- a lot of girls out there wouldn't. I know it was important to him to have your support. He'll be a great missionary because he loves people - especially red-headed ones!
    Sue

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  4. Dear Kelsey. I miss you and love you. Come home soon Ok?
    Congrats on being so smart and talented. I'm pretty sure you are going to turn into a english professor one day so it's no wonder he loves reading your assignments. I too have become a Taylor Swift fan. I went from hating to disliking to enjoying to loving her and even stalking her twitter..... is that wrong?
    What game beats angry birds?

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  5. Dear sweet baby sister who is forever 8 in my mind. You are so sweet and funny and honestly one of the best people I know. I LOVE reading anything you write you one talented girl ( I mean women, I know your not really 8 hehe) I miss you tons and am so excited to see you at Christmas. I am so excited to have all us girls (and Dad) together it has been way to long. OOXXOOXX Love you Buggy.

    Angie K

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