Lightening Things Up

I know I just posted something yesterday but there has been a monkey on my back. You see, I feel like I'm getting too sentimental and metaphorical in my posts lately. I'm not a gooey person by any means. It's okay when other people are like that but I don't want myself turning into that... No offense. It's just not my style you know? Ha ha, I just said that last sentence out loud in a black person voice. Try it for yourself, it feels great to say.

Anyways, so I'm gonna lighten things up here by telling you a funny story my roommate reminded me of a few days ago. Now I can't believe I've forgotten it all these years because it is ridiculously embarrassing... Brace yourself for this mateys.

So during my teeny-bopper years (12 &13), my parents let me have the honor of going and starting the car after church because lots of times they took forever to come out and I hated sitting in the lobby. We had just bought a new car and it was a standard. Not yet being a driver I didn't really know what that meant and without thinking my dad let me have the keys to go start the car... So I blame this incidence on him really. I went out and started the car and for those who drive a stick you know that if you don't have the clutch in it jumps right? Well this was a springy little car and when I turned the key, it bounced right over the curb. You'd think: "Oh, wouldn't it stall out and you'd be fine?" No way. I instinctively pushed my foot to the first pedal near it... and that just happened to be the gas. I flew forward with my hands in the air and ran into a pine tree. Not the trunk, just the branches which didn't slow down the momentum all that much. After going through those I continued to fly across the lawn. During this whole time I am screaming hysterically in such shock I don't even think to take my foot off the gas. I'm flying forward and suddenly my dad walks out of the church. As he sees me his eyes go big and "what the (h-e-double hockey sticks) are you doing!?" comes out of his mouth in front of all the children leaving for home. He then runs with inhuman speed to the car, pushes me to the passenger seat, and takes control. Dead silence. Neither of us say a word as everyone stares while our family car turns around on the church lawn and drives on home. I wasn't even embarrassed, I was fearing for my life of what my punishment would be.

When we pulled in the driveway my dad turned to me and said: "Well you better go get a cloth and start cleaning off all the sap on the front of the car." That's all he said. I wordlessly went in, walked past my mom with her quizzical look, and cleaned the car. It wasn't until a while later when I finally mustered up the courage to tell her about it. She just looked at me like nothing had happened and said: "I know, your dad already told me about it." I questioned why he didn't get more mad at me. She just started to laugh.

"Well honey, he said you looked so scared and were screaming so bad there was no way he could get mad at you."

Was this a dream? I now knew the secret to getting out of everything. Look scared and scream hysterically.



that was fun, I think I'll make a habit of writing these kind of stories.