Are You Having A Baby?

I think this is the fourth time I've started this blog post. As of late I have been very neglectful of this thing. Mostly, I write posts but don't ever publish them. Now that the mothers of my students can read this I feel hyper-aware of what I say, and so anything controversial, or even particularly personal, doesn't get published.

But, this I cannot stop thinking about. No matter how hard I try this thought has been taking up a large portion of my mind, so I guess I'll just get to it.

 For the first year of our marriage, I was constantly told not to have kids. This bothered me then and still bothers me now. It wasn't a suggestion or even a bit of advice to wait; this was an order. Do not have children. You are not allowed to have children. I had to be a working, contributing citizen. To have a child while Scott was in school, where I had no employment base, was juvenile and selfish. Why people cared about this is beyond me. By the first year, after people realized we were not having a honeymoon baby, the comments started to disappear. People were relieved I was graduating and getting a job, and it was a blissful year of little-to-no baby comments.

By year two, things changed. Suddenly the fact that I was not having children started to bother people. Now that we are moving into year three, and I'm almost 25, people are concerned. I am asked three times a week why I don't have children; there is no hyperbole in that sentence. It has gone to such an extent that people have just started assuming I was having kids. Scott has had strangers come up to him saying, "Congratulations on the baby!" After that, I realized I wasn't allowed to gain any weight. Weight= having a baby.

Suddenly, everything I was doing was being analyzed by others. Feeling sick? You're pregnant! Tired? Pregnant. Hungry? Definitely pregnant. I even once went to the bathroom too many times, and people asked if I was pregnant. When did this become okay?

I am thrilled for those having children. Be around me for 5 minutes with a toddler, and you can tell that I love children. I wouldn't have chosen the job I did if I didn't. You want to post about your baby? Awesome. You want to write out your birth story? I will read that and bawl the entire way through. I think motherhood is beautiful, I think having kids is awesome, but what works for you might not work for me.

While people may deny it, there is a definite cultural expectation. You should be married by your early 20s, have a baby within a couple years, and then continue on doing so until you see fit. This is a normal pattern, and honestly one I expected from myself when I was younger, but I've come to realize this isn't a pattern that I will most likely follow. I'm glad if this is you, but there is a group of women out there, and I think this can even apply to those not married, who feel like their worth is in question because they have not followed "the plan".

It's the little comments in passing that I find are the most hurtful. I know people look at me and they're wondering what's going on. While not straight out saying it, people assume that I do not have children because I am obsessed with work, or I care too much about money, or I'm "struggling to have it happen". Honestly, it's none of anyone's business. There are a million reasons to have kids, but there are also a million reasons not to, and some of them are in and out of a person's control.

Do I want to have children? Yes. Of course, but I just can't understand how at 25 I feel like my time to bear children is running out, and this is because of other people's thoughts or opinions. The other day I was asked why Scott and I didn't have kids yet. I usually give a different response each time; it keeps people on their toes, haha. The person asked, "Well how old are you?" I replied I was 24, turning 25 in a bit. They replied, "Oh, you have a little bit of time left, I guess."

Honestly, I went home and I cried. At 24 was I missing the window of having a baby? I know people don't mean anything by it, but it has given me so much anxiety and stress. I feel like my value as a woman is nothing because I don't have children. I'm not as experienced or mature as someone else with kids. The fact that I work hard in everything I do, and I'm trying my best, does not seem to be a measurement of worth at my age. Working and just being with my husband is viewed as almost selfish. I am selfish because I don't have children. I care too much about worldly things because we are trying to save up for a house instead of a baby.

I don't hold anything against anyone. I know that people don't mean to hurt by these questions. I feel the need to keep reiterating that. I just want to write this, because I have realized more and more that you never know what's going on in a person's life. You don't know their innermost desires; you don't know the factors behind people's choices, in any situation. We often jump to conclusions and discuss people that we really, truly, do not know. Honestly, let's just let people mind their own business. I guess that is the moral of this post. When someone is sick, just let them be sick. If someone has gained ten pounds, let's stop speculating over why they did. We are so consumed with watching other people's lives. In such a busy life, why do we even have time to do this? There are so many other wonderful things we could be discussing and enjoying.

Next time we feel the need to ask a person why or why not they have done anything, let's stop ourselves. People have enough trials and burdens in their lives without us placing expectations and pressures on them, even if it's unintentional. I have been there, and I've put my foot in my mouth, but being on the receiving end has illustrated the pain of feeling like you are failing at "the plan", and that you are not worth as much as others. People do not have complete control over their lives, and we often forget that sometimes things are not based on choice.

Three Easy Meals For When You're Too Tired To Cook: Part 1

As promised: more documenting, and a not-so-heavy post.

I love to cook. I find it really relaxing and I feel much happier after a meal if it's come from fresh food instead of a box or a fast food place. The problem though, is that cooking can be really time consuming.

Only about once or twice during the week do I spend any real time on dinner (as in over half an hour getting things ready). Other than that I try to get food on the table within about twenty minutes. This can be difficult if you're trying to stay away from instant meals like Mac & Cheese or grilled cheese sandwiches- basically anything with dairy in it- why must cheese be so delicious? Scott and I both don't do well with dairy. I become a bloated pig for the next day and Scotty breaks out like a pubescent teen.

So here are my favourite sugar-free, dairy-free, and worry-free meals that we make.

I actually don't know the name of this dish, but my sister made it for me once and it was DELICIOUS- so let's call it peppers and chicken haha. I tried to recreate it the next day (that's how good it was) but I only used what I could remember. I have realized this dish is basically foolproof. I've thrown whatever I feel like in with it and it has always turned out great. The other great part? It requires little to no cooking-in-front-of-a-hot-stove-sweating-to-death kind of preparation and everything is fresh.

One way I cut out a lot of cooking time is I cook my chicken breasts at the beginning of the week. Then I can quickly grab one out of the fridge and put it on a frying pan for a few minutes if needs be. It saves SO much time. Also, this is a great recipe for if you're like me and you buy bell peppers constantly and then forget to use them.

Well, let's get to it!


Peppers and Chicken Salad

Ingredients:

• 2-4 chicken breasts cooked and sliced (Scott and I easily go through two)
• 5-6 bell peppers sliced (We usually use 3 for just the two of us)
• Half a red onion chopped
• 1 jalapeño, seeded

Combine those in a bowl and let them sit. I have added banana peppers instead of jalapeño and my sister adds olives instead of jalapeño. Some other time maybe I'll post on when you should use certain kinds of onions. Once you know what kind to use, it will change your meals for the better!

Sauce:

• Quarter cup of red wine vinegar (I usually use less than this)
• Quarter cup of olive oil (I use less oil too)
• 1 Tablespoon of Balsamic Vinegar (I double it because I have a weird addiction to balsamic vinegar)
• 1-2 teaspoons of chili flakes
• 2 cloves of garlic (I press mine- I love my garlic press!!)

Mix those together and pour over the the first half. Let it sit for a few minutes to soak up the juices. 

Right before serving dice up two tomatoes and mix them in. Salt and pepper to taste.

I have served it with baguettes or buns to dip in the juice and it's delicious, but if you're trying to stay away from bread it's delicious all on its own! The chicken really soaks up the flavour and the peppers are a yummy crunch. 

Enjoy!

Can we just laugh at this picture for a second? I actually made this recipe the other day, and I was so hungry I didn't think to take a picture. For some reason I feel like a recipe needs a picture... Pixlr skills to the rescue! 

I Hate Finals Week

I have severe writer's block. The thing with blogs is that it's really fun to write on one, but then I remember that my words will be put out into space and I get too nervous. My resolution this year is to record, and I'm hoping to make a book for my someday family. I tried to do a scrapbook and it sucked, and then I thought I would do an Instagram book and remembered my Instagram is embarrassing.

So here I am, having no idea what to talk about. C'est la vie; it must be done. I am in a weird zone of my blog right now. Do I get down to the nitty-gritty, or do I tell you guys a bunch of non-interesting details about my life? That is the question. I think I'll start with the non-interesting details, if we're going to be straight forward here.

I am still teaching, and my classes are getting into their finals. I have decided this is the worst time of year. Yesterday in a final I saw a 16 year old boy silently start to cry as test anxiety and panic started to take over. I had a very conflicting dialogue with myself. Do I help the boy? Well, it's a final and he needs to do this on his own... But would I want someone to help me? Yes, but again, Kelsey, it is a final and this needs to assess his understanding! I started to cry. Haha, so silly. I shed a single tear for this boy. That's so embarrassing to say. In the end I got up and helped the kid. I helped him plan his essay out and gave him some ideas. I feel a little guilty, because there was some definite nudging on my part, but to see relief wash over his face when he realized he could do it was totally worth it.

I realized two things in that instance:

1. There is nothing worse than finals week.

2. I really, genuinely love the kids I teach.

Somedays I come home from work, throw my bag down and my hands up and tell Scott, "I am so done with this. I am done with those crabby, lazy, no good, rotten teenagers! Why can't they work? Why are they so mean to each other? Why can't they get off their (blank) phones?!" I usually rant for a few more minutes, declare myself done with them for eternity, and then have a three hour nap. There have been times where I have gone to bed and thought, "If I didn't show up to work, or if I never went back, would they notice? Am I accomplishing anything in the slightest with these kids?" On those nights sleep does not come easily.

But then something like that test happens, only slightly different. A kid comes and asks for help, or someone that I usually see alone in the halls feels safe in my room, or they do/say something so absurdly hilarious that I laugh harder than I probably ever have before. I realize that I have the chance to be a constant in their life. I am always there for them, sitting at my desk, probably eating some kind of stress treat to get through the day (like the Mr. Big I have in my mouth as I'm typing this), and ready to help them. All this because I love them. I don't know how or when it happens, but it does.


Well, I didn't mean for this blog to turn heavy. My next one will be very light and fluffy, I promise!